boner.

As an awkward, emotionally repressed and all-round-dead-inside terminally single mid 20's woman I don't give much thought to marriage beyond 'who would be awesome dumb enough to get hitched to me for a green card?'

I guess back in the day not many women had the luxury of avoiding relationships at all costs and so they had to marry whatever dog-dick showed them interest and had the most money.

We all know women hate fun, too, so in ye olden days, even pre-prohibition, they tried to ban coffee. According to this article in the Guardian, the "Women's Petition Against Coffee of 1674 claimed all-male coffee houses were responsible for "a very sensible Decay of that Old English Vigour..." by promoting "the excessive use of that Newfangled, Abominable, Heathenish liquor called Coffee, which . . . has so Eunucht our Husbands and Crippled our more kind gallants they come from it with nothing moist but their snotty noses, nothing stiffe but their Joints..."

All this talk of eunuchs and moist noses has got me a bit flustered.

In addition to this, apparently Nietzsche didn't drink coffee. That bums me out, I am a big fan of his. However, considering he died of syphilis, his abstinence from the trve kvlt black magic bean obvs didn't do him much good. Voltaire apparently drank 60 cups a DAY. I call bullshit BUT I did once drink 12 shots of espresso in an evening while listening to the entire Burzum discography. I think I transcended this world for a little while and then my head exploded.

According to the dudes of the time, coffee "makes the erection more Vigorous, the Ejaculation more full, adds spiritualescency to the Sperme". Awesome. If I ever have a boyfriend again (LOL) I'm gonna make sure he's Herbie Fully Loaded on that shit.

Lastly; "The appropriate analogy is that coffee and philosophy go together like foreplay and sex...you can have one without the other, but the latter is better with the former and the former often leads to the latter."

Frankly I'd be happy to get any combination of either side of that analogy but beggars can't be choosers so I'll stick with Foucault and a flat white.