Cafe Pedlar

In keeping with the theme of Park Slope, here's the other place I went to after buying cheap tempeh and 6 for $5 Clif bars (btw they are not food, they are candy, stop kidding yourself) at TJ's.

Cafe Pedlar brews with Stumptown which is always a tick in the 'awesome' box and the coffee was very good.

There are, however, no more ticks in that box.

I experienced the absolute worst service here than anywhere I have ever been. Not just coffee shops - anywhere. When I approach someone who is gonna provide a service for me, I am friendly and polite because I work in the service industry and I know what a difference it makes to your day. When I asked for a soy latte I recieved no acknowledgement, the barista merely moved to the espresso machine and started making my drink. He barely held eye contact with me as I made my order. The coffee was then placed in front of me and I was then stared at. I passed over $5 and $1 was pushed across the counter towards me. No 'hello', no 'thanks', not even a fucking 'ok bitch here's your goddamn drink'

A massive personal gripe of mine is when customers thrust money towards me, tip it out on the counter or just leave it in front of me instead of simply putting it in my hand. Yo, don't be a dick, yeah? I am a human being. So experiencing this as a customer was kind of a bummer. It actually made me pretty mad. FUCK YOU ASSHOLE I HOPE YOU HATE YOUR LIFE.

Gorilla Coffee

I finally made it to New York, much to my relief. There's an app available for iphones (and maybe your shitty droid, I don't give a fuck) called 'New York's Best Coffee' so I decided to try and visit as many of the listed businesses as possible during my stay.

This is actually quite a challenge as there are like, 70 or 80? Due to this, a lot of my daily activities were orientated around which shops I could visit in that area. Or, a lot of the time, just going from one shop to another (look I fucking love coffee ok stop judging me jeez).

The first place I stopped is in Park Slope. Most of my NY friends dislike this neighborhood as it's yuppie and there isn't that much going on. I can't disagree but I went there a bunch to shop at Target, cuz I'm classy, Trader Joe's, cuz sometimes a girl can't deal with Whole Foods, and to visit a good friend who lives out on the G.

Gorilla Coffee is pretty good. I heard a few shot reviews but I definitely rate it above average. Had a few consistently good lattes and they also have a pretty tasty cold brew. Also really fast free wifi and if you time your visit there's usually a place to sit.

Amherst Coffee

Ok so you might go to Amherst for a show or some shit, I don't know. Birthplace of many popular bands during the late 90's and 00's such as everyone's screamo faves Orchid (not dissing, I have an Orchid tattoo... lol@me) and Ampere and whatever.

I spent a lot of time in MA exploiting how amusing I found an awkward situation to be by behaving like a big of a brat as possible. Despite my lack of genuine fun during this trip, the highlight (which wasn't difficult considering) was coffee from this place.

It was a solid 10/10. Maybe only one of a few I have experienced. I felt, for a second, this weird emotion inside of me...was it joy? Ok that's an exaggeration. Happiness is less extreme right? Maybe it was that. Shit was good. I had 2 even though it was hot as shit outside.

A+ would drink again if my sorry ass is ever dragged to MA for any reason.

(PS sorry to my few actual friends who live in these parts, you are in no way included in my derogatory opinions.)

(PPS check out my sick fancy US burner fake blackberry)

Northampton Coffee

Why would one go to Northampton? That, friend, is an excellent question, and one that I no longer have a good answer to. I won't get into details because (a) my life is none of yo bidnizz and (b) I actually can't think of any reasons to go there. It's a cute town I guess. Lots of lesbians (just an observation!). Ok I'm done.

My visit was basically a bit of a mistake and I ended up spending a lot of time avoiding someone while hiding out in Northampton Coffee, stealing their wifi to download Gossip Girl. The blow was softened by the excellent quality of their coffee and how nice the inside of the shop is; very big and open/airy and now I sound like an interior designer, gross.

Did make the mistake of an iced latte, it tasted good but fuckmylife it's too much milk. For a regular latte I can handle it because they are 8 or 12oz but the iced beasts over-soy me.

Anyway, if for some unfortunate reason you're in Northampton (I know I am really shittalking it but trust me, I have reasons) then you should check it out as it's definitely one of the town's redeeming features.

ugh

I've been putting off updating due to the sheer amount of entries I need to make (if I was a dude that could be an innuendo but... I don't have a dick and can only be the entered not the enter-ee...)

Fortunately, I have no social life so I can spend my Saturday avoiding the beautiful sunshine, locked away in my basement typing frantically and wishing I was back in NYC for both caffeine-related reasons and more personal ones.